When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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