forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
