I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
