I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
