When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
