I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize