4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
