I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
