Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
