I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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