I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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