Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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