Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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