I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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