Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
