I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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