he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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