hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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