I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize