I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
