just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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