I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
FUCK WHALES
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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