Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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