had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
