Swine flu. Run for my life!
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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