got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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