Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
