my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
