Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
this hospital has no fireball
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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