i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize