Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize