Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
