Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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