Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
