Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
