puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
