sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
