Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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