you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
