Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
