if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize
