I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
