Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
