OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize