how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
