No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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