Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
