I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
