i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
