I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
