"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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