She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He passed out mid-signature
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
