i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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