Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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