I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
