I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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