I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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