well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
