pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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