Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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