dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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