If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
