After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
