I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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