whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You can't special order awesome
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
