Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
