My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
