I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Randomize
