I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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