every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize