actually, I'm a sock model
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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