Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
