shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
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