I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
