you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
