if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
