i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
two words...techno handjob
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
