Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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