My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
