I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
