I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
