the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
