Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
