I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
