Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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