Where did you get a picture of my penis
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
