I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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