How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
