I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize