Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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