Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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