kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
