fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i was born a porn star she said
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
