so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
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