I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
