erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
