It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
