she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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