you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
